Birthing questions...

I wanted to keep this somewhere...and what better place than here on the blog.

I received this note from a friend's daughter:

Hello! I am doing a project for my women's studies class. The topic is, "putting the natural back into birth". I wanted to ask you a few questions for my research, about your experience with home births and hospital births if you have had any. If there are any questions you do not feel like answering that is fine or if you have anything else to add, any feedback is great! Also if you know any mothers who would feel comfortable answering a few of these questions who have had a home birth or two that would be excellent!

What are your experiences with birth? At home or at the hospital?
What was most effective for you?
Did you have good experiences with a midwife or midwives?
Do you stay in touch with your midwife?
How did you find out about home births?
How did you find your midwife?
Did you have support during your birth/births?
Would you change anything about your birth/births?
Why did you decide to have a home birth?

Thank you!
Take Care!
Natalie Crevola-Miller

--

In response, I sent this:

What are your experiences with birth? At home or at the hospital?
Our first, Kai, was born in the hospital. Mainly, it was there because we were in the Army when we got pregnant and Jeff was still in when it came time for the birth. We didn't look into options at the time because we thought it would be really expensive to homebirth and because Jeff was very much coming from the main stream thought on health care. However, we agreed on finding a OB/GYN that was a single practice guy and who would support our natural birth choices. What we learned when we had our second, Kade, is how my body carries and births. What we didn't know when we had Kai is that my water breaks and 12 hours later I start contractions. This long lapse was not welcomed in the hospital. Both of our babies stayed really high until the contractions started, even though I was dilated and effaced. In the hospital setting, this was cause for constant monitoring to make sure the baby wasn't stressed. Even when he didn't show any signs of being stressed, they still insisted on monitoring. When I asked to walk, they told me the cord would wrap around his neck and would cause a lot of complications. This effectively scared us into doing whatever they told us to do. My OB/GYN had assumed things were going well and didn't get there until 9am (8 hours after I arrived at the hospital and 9 hours or so after my water broke). He was questioning why we hadn't walked...to help with the labor. Then when I wanted to walk they decided it was too late and that it was necessary to induce. We went with Pitocin and the labor still didn't start. At the second dose, things really started happening. This is two fold. My body (and Kai) decided at that magic 12 hour mark to start working on the labor. This was also when the second dose of Pitocin kicked in. My contractions and Kai's stress started to rise. I was not able to combat the pain of the double/triple peaked contractions and asked for pain killer. After hours of labor, Kai was out in 2 contractions. A healthy beautiful boy!

Kade, our second, was born at home. It was like night and day - our experience with each. For Kai we did the whole technical pregnancy. We had several ultrasounds. We were poked and prodded. With Kade, we opted for the midwives. We had charted our cycle, so were pretty involved in the process. I had taken Jeff down so many paths to a more natural way of dealing with health. Stopping the vaccinations, cloth diapers, co-sleeping, making our own baby food are a few of the changes he adjusted to. When we finally chose the midwives, I emphasized how close the hospital was how much quicker we would be treated if we came in than if we were already in the hospital. I also made sure we talked about the experience we were getting with our midwives. I especially loved the fact that Claudia had, as part of her midwifery journey before she moved to CA, the extra experience that came with having Amish clients. I know Jeff was concerned about the whole process, and am thankful he trusted me to know what I needed. So, in contrast to Kai's many ultrasounds, Kade had none. We heard the heartbeat (Kai did, too, as he was there for all appointments) and trusted that everything was well. When the water broke, I was ok with it all. I spent the time walking and rocking in the kitchen (the only uncarpeted surface in our apartment at the time). We had the living room set up to accommidate the birthing tub. I was pretty sure I would want to have a water birth. It was totally the right decision. Contractions started in around that 12 hour magic mark. At 1pm or so, Claudia arrived to check on me. I requested the water. This led to a check and I was still only 3cm. I still wanted the tub, so the Claudia trusted it. Once in the tub, labor really began. Kade's shoulders got stuck, and that was the only painful moments I remember. He made it out, but wasn't breathing. The midwives were right there with us, prompting everything. We held Kade and talked to him while they got the oxygen. It turned out just fine. I don't remember being deeply aware of the seriousness of the situation as Jeff was. I do believe that if we had been a hospital, we would never have seen Kade...and I honestly don't know if he would have made it without the comfort of our voices, our touch and our warmth. After the birth, the midwives cleaned everything up and and made sure we were comfortable. They fixed our first meal with a candle to celebrate the birth. At that moment, I knew I could birth this way 1,000 times and be perfectly happy. The water birth was the best.


What was most effective for you?
I was far more comfortable at home than in the hospital. I think this is true for two reasons. First, it was our second birth and we had an idea of what to expect. Second, I wasn't going to let anyone else take charge of our birth. It was going to be me and the baby. I trusted that millions of women had done this before me and that my body knew exactly what to do and that it was in constant communication with our baby.


Did you have good experiences with a midwife or midwives?
I *love* my midwives. We had a team (Birthstream in Davis, CA) and it made us feel safe. At different times throughout the pregnancy we connected more with one of them. In the end, they were incredibly supportive and the birth of Kade was an experience that I'd repeat in a minute.


Do you stay in touch with your midwife?
I have one of them as a friend on facebook...and she is listed as part of my family. So, yes!


How did you find out about home births?
My step-daughter was home birthed. My mother and her siblings were home birthed. I don't enjoy the MD world, so have always searched for the alternatives. After Kai, I was far more motivated to find those alternatives. I found information on water birth from Waterbirth International (http://www.waterbirth.org/) and was a reader of Mothering Magazine.


How did you find your midwife?
Early on, we looked at a birthing center. We heard of Birthstream Midwifery via word of mouth. A woman from the park day I attended mentioned them. We researched a couple midwives, but in the end went with the one that was most comfortable. As a bonus, they were the closest and had great referrals.


Did you have support during your birth/births?
Jeff was with me the whole time during each birth. His support was paramount in it all. I have to admit, though, that I don't remember him really being there except for a few minutes throughout the birthing processes when we were home with Kade. I think this is partially due to me being so confident and certain my body and our baby knew exactly what we needed to do. With Kai, I remember Jeff being there the whole time. He was my focus and the one who got me through the whole ordeal. My mother was at Kai's birth, too. At the time it seemed right. Looking back, I was trying to keep up appearances (both with her and the hospital staff), which I feel helped make the hospital experience the not so perfect experience it became, even though nothing truly horrible happened. With Kade, there were four of us there : Jeff and both midwives. I felt their presence. My focus not on them, but instead was on birthing.


Would you change anything about your birth/births?
I would never go back to a hospital birth. I would have a ton of home births, though!

With Kai, I would have preferred to be more assertive in waiting for the natural process and not have given in to the hospital staff's recommendations. Things the staff mentioned and said were just not anything like I had wanted to do. One nurse was just plain rude. When my doctor did get there, he was asking why we had not done the things we had intended...and it was mostly because we were of the mindset that if the staff was despotic then we really had no choice. I would never have stayed in bed and been monitored all the time. I would never have induced labor. I would never have taken pain killers. I would have requested they let me hold him before they cut the cord and cleaned Kai. I would have asked to be nearer him when they did all the cleaning and tests. Jeff was able to be there, so that was good, but not my ideal. I would have left sooner. There are things we did right, though. I'm glad I chose to keep him with me when they wanted to take Kai away to 'let me sleep'. I'm very happy Jeff stayed in the room with me, too. I'm glad we had the doctor we did. For even though we didn't do everything we intended to do, he was still on our side for the most part. I'm glad Jeff wore the bunny ears all through the labor. I wouldn't have my mom with us...and didn't for Kade.

With Kade, I would have made more space for me to be comfortable with the fluids draining out...and that would have allowed me the space to walk more. I would have taken more pictures after the birth...I don't think we have any of us actually holding him right after he was born. I would have made a point to have Kai there and/or had him home earlier. The things we did right : had a wonderful trusted team and chose water birth.


Why did you decide to have a home birth?
I think I answered this in what I have mentioned before. I was looking for an alternative to the mechanized birthing process found in hospitals. I wanted a path that was more in tune with what I believed - that our bodies, as women, know exactly what they are doing. I didn't want 'what if's to govern my care, but instead wanted a more trust based experience. I looked for practitioners that made sense to me and with whom I felt comfortable. I found all these in the midwifery and water birth options.

------

Natalie, thanks for letting me be a part of your research. If you need more from me, let me know. If there are more details you need, ask for those, too.

Hope you are well.