Cuties

Yes...my kids are cute. Especially when they are enjoying themselves. This time, however, I'm talking about these boxes.





I have enjoyed making origami with Kade. He's made something similar, but this is my first time making these. It might have helped me fold if it was actual origami paper, too, instead of scrapbooking paper. But I somehow made do!

And for those waiting for cute...or at least news of what we are doing...here's just a moment.

As I was putting things on vimeo...

I came across this one that was taken about a year ago. Hope it makes you giggle again!

Kade on the pillow case ride from Beachbum on Vimeo.

Birthing questions...

I wanted to keep this somewhere...and what better place than here on the blog.

I received this note from a friend's daughter:

Hello! I am doing a project for my women's studies class. The topic is, "putting the natural back into birth". I wanted to ask you a few questions for my research, about your experience with home births and hospital births if you have had any. If there are any questions you do not feel like answering that is fine or if you have anything else to add, any feedback is great! Also if you know any mothers who would feel comfortable answering a few of these questions who have had a home birth or two that would be excellent!

What are your experiences with birth? At home or at the hospital?
What was most effective for you?
Did you have good experiences with a midwife or midwives?
Do you stay in touch with your midwife?
How did you find out about home births?
How did you find your midwife?
Did you have support during your birth/births?
Would you change anything about your birth/births?
Why did you decide to have a home birth?

Thank you!
Take Care!
Natalie Crevola-Miller

--

In response, I sent this:

What are your experiences with birth? At home or at the hospital?
Our first, Kai, was born in the hospital. Mainly, it was there because we were in the Army when we got pregnant and Jeff was still in when it came time for the birth. We didn't look into options at the time because we thought it would be really expensive to homebirth and because Jeff was very much coming from the main stream thought on health care. However, we agreed on finding a OB/GYN that was a single practice guy and who would support our natural birth choices. What we learned when we had our second, Kade, is how my body carries and births. What we didn't know when we had Kai is that my water breaks and 12 hours later I start contractions. This long lapse was not welcomed in the hospital. Both of our babies stayed really high until the contractions started, even though I was dilated and effaced. In the hospital setting, this was cause for constant monitoring to make sure the baby wasn't stressed. Even when he didn't show any signs of being stressed, they still insisted on monitoring. When I asked to walk, they told me the cord would wrap around his neck and would cause a lot of complications. This effectively scared us into doing whatever they told us to do. My OB/GYN had assumed things were going well and didn't get there until 9am (8 hours after I arrived at the hospital and 9 hours or so after my water broke). He was questioning why we hadn't walked...to help with the labor. Then when I wanted to walk they decided it was too late and that it was necessary to induce. We went with Pitocin and the labor still didn't start. At the second dose, things really started happening. This is two fold. My body (and Kai) decided at that magic 12 hour mark to start working on the labor. This was also when the second dose of Pitocin kicked in. My contractions and Kai's stress started to rise. I was not able to combat the pain of the double/triple peaked contractions and asked for pain killer. After hours of labor, Kai was out in 2 contractions. A healthy beautiful boy!

Kade, our second, was born at home. It was like night and day - our experience with each. For Kai we did the whole technical pregnancy. We had several ultrasounds. We were poked and prodded. With Kade, we opted for the midwives. We had charted our cycle, so were pretty involved in the process. I had taken Jeff down so many paths to a more natural way of dealing with health. Stopping the vaccinations, cloth diapers, co-sleeping, making our own baby food are a few of the changes he adjusted to. When we finally chose the midwives, I emphasized how close the hospital was how much quicker we would be treated if we came in than if we were already in the hospital. I also made sure we talked about the experience we were getting with our midwives. I especially loved the fact that Claudia had, as part of her midwifery journey before she moved to CA, the extra experience that came with having Amish clients. I know Jeff was concerned about the whole process, and am thankful he trusted me to know what I needed. So, in contrast to Kai's many ultrasounds, Kade had none. We heard the heartbeat (Kai did, too, as he was there for all appointments) and trusted that everything was well. When the water broke, I was ok with it all. I spent the time walking and rocking in the kitchen (the only uncarpeted surface in our apartment at the time). We had the living room set up to accommidate the birthing tub. I was pretty sure I would want to have a water birth. It was totally the right decision. Contractions started in around that 12 hour magic mark. At 1pm or so, Claudia arrived to check on me. I requested the water. This led to a check and I was still only 3cm. I still wanted the tub, so the Claudia trusted it. Once in the tub, labor really began. Kade's shoulders got stuck, and that was the only painful moments I remember. He made it out, but wasn't breathing. The midwives were right there with us, prompting everything. We held Kade and talked to him while they got the oxygen. It turned out just fine. I don't remember being deeply aware of the seriousness of the situation as Jeff was. I do believe that if we had been a hospital, we would never have seen Kade...and I honestly don't know if he would have made it without the comfort of our voices, our touch and our warmth. After the birth, the midwives cleaned everything up and and made sure we were comfortable. They fixed our first meal with a candle to celebrate the birth. At that moment, I knew I could birth this way 1,000 times and be perfectly happy. The water birth was the best.


What was most effective for you?
I was far more comfortable at home than in the hospital. I think this is true for two reasons. First, it was our second birth and we had an idea of what to expect. Second, I wasn't going to let anyone else take charge of our birth. It was going to be me and the baby. I trusted that millions of women had done this before me and that my body knew exactly what to do and that it was in constant communication with our baby.


Did you have good experiences with a midwife or midwives?
I *love* my midwives. We had a team (Birthstream in Davis, CA) and it made us feel safe. At different times throughout the pregnancy we connected more with one of them. In the end, they were incredibly supportive and the birth of Kade was an experience that I'd repeat in a minute.


Do you stay in touch with your midwife?
I have one of them as a friend on facebook...and she is listed as part of my family. So, yes!


How did you find out about home births?
My step-daughter was home birthed. My mother and her siblings were home birthed. I don't enjoy the MD world, so have always searched for the alternatives. After Kai, I was far more motivated to find those alternatives. I found information on water birth from Waterbirth International (http://www.waterbirth.org/) and was a reader of Mothering Magazine.


How did you find your midwife?
Early on, we looked at a birthing center. We heard of Birthstream Midwifery via word of mouth. A woman from the park day I attended mentioned them. We researched a couple midwives, but in the end went with the one that was most comfortable. As a bonus, they were the closest and had great referrals.


Did you have support during your birth/births?
Jeff was with me the whole time during each birth. His support was paramount in it all. I have to admit, though, that I don't remember him really being there except for a few minutes throughout the birthing processes when we were home with Kade. I think this is partially due to me being so confident and certain my body and our baby knew exactly what we needed to do. With Kai, I remember Jeff being there the whole time. He was my focus and the one who got me through the whole ordeal. My mother was at Kai's birth, too. At the time it seemed right. Looking back, I was trying to keep up appearances (both with her and the hospital staff), which I feel helped make the hospital experience the not so perfect experience it became, even though nothing truly horrible happened. With Kade, there were four of us there : Jeff and both midwives. I felt their presence. My focus not on them, but instead was on birthing.


Would you change anything about your birth/births?
I would never go back to a hospital birth. I would have a ton of home births, though!

With Kai, I would have preferred to be more assertive in waiting for the natural process and not have given in to the hospital staff's recommendations. Things the staff mentioned and said were just not anything like I had wanted to do. One nurse was just plain rude. When my doctor did get there, he was asking why we had not done the things we had intended...and it was mostly because we were of the mindset that if the staff was despotic then we really had no choice. I would never have stayed in bed and been monitored all the time. I would never have induced labor. I would never have taken pain killers. I would have requested they let me hold him before they cut the cord and cleaned Kai. I would have asked to be nearer him when they did all the cleaning and tests. Jeff was able to be there, so that was good, but not my ideal. I would have left sooner. There are things we did right, though. I'm glad I chose to keep him with me when they wanted to take Kai away to 'let me sleep'. I'm very happy Jeff stayed in the room with me, too. I'm glad we had the doctor we did. For even though we didn't do everything we intended to do, he was still on our side for the most part. I'm glad Jeff wore the bunny ears all through the labor. I wouldn't have my mom with us...and didn't for Kade.

With Kade, I would have made more space for me to be comfortable with the fluids draining out...and that would have allowed me the space to walk more. I would have taken more pictures after the birth...I don't think we have any of us actually holding him right after he was born. I would have made a point to have Kai there and/or had him home earlier. The things we did right : had a wonderful trusted team and chose water birth.


Why did you decide to have a home birth?
I think I answered this in what I have mentioned before. I was looking for an alternative to the mechanized birthing process found in hospitals. I wanted a path that was more in tune with what I believed - that our bodies, as women, know exactly what they are doing. I didn't want 'what if's to govern my care, but instead wanted a more trust based experience. I looked for practitioners that made sense to me and with whom I felt comfortable. I found all these in the midwifery and water birth options.

------

Natalie, thanks for letting me be a part of your research. If you need more from me, let me know. If there are more details you need, ask for those, too.

Hope you are well.

Today

Well, we are rarely just sitting around...as you may already know. Those days are few and far between...at least in the summer. Now it's time to *do* things.

This morning was a slow start (as many of us stay up till the wee hours of the morning...)(as I type it is 1:00 am and both boys are still playing together)...so we started today around noon. Jeff and Kade went on a bit of a shopping spree. Kade is really into his tie up shoes and they are getting a wee tight. Today he came home with a snazzy new pair of Nikes. Jeff was on the prowl for new work clothes. He nicely bought shirts that are 'iron free'. (Can you see me dance a happy dance?) and was really stoked that Kade was truly helpful at the store. I think Kade was helping the salesman and maybe even another customer. Anyway, they were having a great time together. Meanwhile, Kai and I were hangin' together. Jumping from computer fun to tv fun as he tried to conquer and unlock all the characters in this one game.

Once Jeff and Kade returned, it was time for some Kai and Jeff time. Kai had asked for it since we are planning on going to see Harry Potter tomorrow with Annie while Jeff and Kade stay home.


Well, Kai asked to bike downtown to Jamba Juice. So after Jeff got some grub and changed into some comfy clothes, the bigger boys headed out on their adventure downtown. They ended up finding a great little market I'm supposed to check out. They also peeked into the used book store.

Meanwhile, this left Kade and I alone.


Naturally, we made cookies! Kade had taken the butter out last night, too late for cooking (the oven is right next to the room we sleep in, so would potentially keep Jeff awake) so today was the day.


He chose cookie press cookies. It's been forever since we've made this kind. Having only wheat flour can make cookies a bit thicker and a different color than white flour does. This is especially true for ours, today, since we also put in a bit of almond flour.


We melted some chocolate to put on top. Of course, this led to some wanting them to have faces...smiley ones at that. Here is what we came up with...


Kade's favorite.


My favorite.

After the cookies, we realized that the guys had forgotten to take the gate key with them. Kade suggested we gather a few blankets and head down to the gate to wait for them.


We gathered a few things and headed down. It was such a beautiful afternoon, too. Perfect. So we settled in and I started a henna design. Kade was having fun getting ready to hide once he saw them coming down the road...all the while talking with me without stopping to breathe...or so it seemed. I thoroughly enjoy his his banter as it lets me see a bit of what is going on in his mind. Anyway, the boys did arrive. Kade hid and was found. Then Jeff stayed a bit with Kade as Kade rode his turtle. So much fun was had!





The videos are still downloading on vimeo...so you'll have to come back to see them here... (tahdah)

Turtle fun July 2009 part 1 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

Turtle fun July 2009 part 2 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

Turtle fun July 2009 part 3 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

Once the henna was done, this is what I ended up with. Happy Mama, I am.


Inside we chilled for about half an hour. Then the boys played more on the Mario game they are borrowing from friends. Jeff agreed to join in after Kai and he had a sock war.

Before we knew it, it was time for Jeff to head to snooze land. Kade stole a book reading or two with his Daddy. I got to tuck my love in and come out with the gang. Now it's been a few hours of catch up with the blogs I haven't been reading.

And I guess I'm ready to post my own things again!

LIFE is Good 2009 Unschooling Conference

I've been trying to figure out how to write about this experience. Words don't do it justice. And the pictures we took were few. So, with permission from others, I compiled a slide show. It gives the feel of the conference, at least a touch of it. The LIFE is Good Conference is far more - and more fun than should be allowed. The Vibrations and Amy Steinberg actually gave a concert...so having their music a part of the video is a must. Here we are:

LIFE is Good Unschooling Conference 2009 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

Here is one that is more personal to our family and friends from home...it's a bit shorter, too... I've included some pictures from our stay with friends in Corvallis, OR. We were able to stay at the Gold's house for 5 days! We saw the Hessels, Cabatics, Golds, Lugos, Waynsforths (before they headed home to England!), Diana and Hayden and Scott, and the Holcombs (at the park before they went home to CO). Anyway, good times.

LIFE and our days in Corvallis from Beachbum on Vimeo.

LIFE is Good

At the talent show, Jeff joined a few of our friends and played bass. Here is Gloria.



Oh, we are home...and getting back into life here...so hang in there! I'll be posting more soon.

Our friend Jonas

I love this boy (and his siblings...and parents).

Jeff related this to me today and I just have to share it.

Jonas and Jeff are hanging out together. Jeff was sitting on the floor and Jonas, who is 3, was talking with him. Jonas, apparently was standing up at the time.

Jonas : You have a head.
Jeff : Yes, indeed I do.
Jonas : I don't have a head. I have hair.

Hee hee. Out of the mouths of babes. I love my bald headed man.

Jeff and Annie

had a go on photo booth, too. We all ended up joining in on the fun!

Acts of service

How I love my man. More than just for his acts of service. Yesterday he was working from home and working on our home. We came back from our Mardi Gras party and found the house in complete order and taken care of in a way that it desperately needed, but that hadn't happened for a bit. I am so thankful and appreciative.

It is more than just the gift of a clean home. It is the gift that allowed me to sleep in and not feel I 'had' to get things done. It has allowed me to play here on the computer. It has allowed me the ease of cooking for the boys. It definitely filled my 'love' tank. I am so thankful.

So, thanks, Jeff. Thanks for your acts of service day. Thanks for the gift you have given, and continue to give. I certainly do love you!

More Tinkering.

I gave the computer to Kade before I could get everything down...so here is the video that goes with the pictures from the last post! I love how they build these structures and then find ways in which to interact with them! As you may already know, Jeff is wonderful at modeling the 'anything goes' attitude!


Tinker Toy creation from Beachbum on Vimeo.

Where to start?

Well, I think I will start with today and work backwards...



Mardi Gras. Well, for us, it hasn't been a part of our lives so far. However, we have friends who enjoy this celebration. So, off to the internet to do some researching about it and talking about what we are going to dress up as. Well, to the boys, they just love being what they love to be. Kai was a ninja and Kade was Luke Skywalker ***correction: BlackOut Skywalker***. I was, well, me - but a bit on the 'out there' side of me. I did enlist Annie's help. She had a nice couple of shirts that I wore. I had some striped tights (blue and green) (don't ask why) that worked for the funk factor. I also used Kade's face paints to set myself up with a painted design. As an aside: when at park day someone says the pink does stain the face, not only believe them, but remember! So, this is what we looked like on our way to the party.







We had a wonderful time! The boys love playing with their friends. I didn't realize it until we got home and I was taking our things out of the car that Kade had made his own mask. I was happily surprised by this. He is so creative, but when there are friends to play with it can be tough to stay still long enough to design things. What made this one even more special for me is he says I can keep it! ****Kade has now decided Jeff can have the mask. At least I know it's going to a good home!****

Forgot to mention. The party had several homeschoolers there. One woman asked me questions about what we do, how we do it, and how we make it work. I answered the best I could. It's a tough thing to describe to someone who doesn't really want to trust themselves or their kids *that* much. She mentioned she has a hard time getting her and her daughter enough physical activity. I don't know what to say to people when this comes up. First, I haven't been physically active for a long time, but hope to get back to that now that my foot is again pain free. Second, I couldn't force my kids to be still if I tried. Now, they don't really do anything that I can always categorize...except for Kai's karate. Sometimes we go swimming or something like that. However, I find we just end up doing things. For example, today Kade found the flashlight and started playing with it. There are so many options for these. The other day we played flashlight tag (note: it's better outside than in...and probably better for the neighbors if you start playing before 9:30pm). Today, however, he brought it to me and asked that I move it around and not let him 'catch' it. We used to play with our puppy this way. Cats love to do it. It's been seen on Family Guy. Chasing a light can, at least to Kade, be incredibly fun. So fun that you spend thirty minutes playing it. Yes. 30. How can I explain this to someone who thinks things need to be planned, coordinated and or committed (P, C and C) to? Granted, there may be times when my kids will want things that are P, C and or C'd, but they seem to be creative enough to find ways to be active, without me having to ever pressure them.

It was pretty funny watching Kade.

=====
Food. Well, you may know I have been trying to celebrate food. For many this is an easy task. I have one friend in particular of whom I just love to watch interact with what she eats. I normally don't enjoy watching people eat. And, I really don't like watching her, either. What I do like is how much she expresses her joy of the food. You can see it in her eyes. She dabbles in everything individually first. Then starts mixing an matching. She savors the tastes and simply enjoys food.

This is such a paradox to me. My body needs food just like every other being. Yet I do struggle to enjoy it. So, watching my friend really helps me. It proves that I can love food and the flavors it brings. I can enjoy the smell, texture and flavors. It is possible. Yet, I don't always. I am sensitive to textures. I love flavor, but it has to be a certain flavor at a certain time. I have no delusion that I'll ever enjoy food the way she does. I do hope I can at least gain an appreciation for the sustenance I do intake. See? I even write about it clinically! What I truly want is to appreciate food so that I get full nourishment from it and actually get to the point where I remember to eat and look forward to it. To help get me there, I have been taking pictures of food that I like. My tastes are crazy, but I'm willing to work from where I am!


Kai picked up a sweet potato and asked for us to buy it so he could taste it. OK, no problem. We brought it home and I cooked it. He didn't like the taste, but I do. I worked at a restaurant a long time ago that had a sweet potato pancake that was so tasty. I looked on the internet and found a recipe that I thought would make something similar to what I remember. It did! Yum is what it is! Here is a picture (just to be true to my word).


=====

Cool creations is what I think of when I see this:





Now, they boys immediately thought of getting the fan out and seeing if it would actually move...so there is a video coming.

Well, that's it for now. I'm going to go dye some clothes and play with my family.

I lied, I have more to post. Just not this second.

From Jeff's Blog : Conference Fears?

I lifted this directly from Jeff's blog...

"Well, I am beginning to get amazingly excited about the first of our two unschooling conferences this year, Life is Good, held in Vancouver, WA on May 21-24. I absolutely LOVE conferences; they are ways to connect with old friends, meet new ones, relax, and celebrate all that is good and wonderful in our lives.


Have you ever been to a conference? Are you uncertain about going? Is your husband or partner resistant? I know what that's like, and it can be scary as hell - but so incredibly rewarding. Read on.


Every time another conference approaches, it reminds me of how I felt in the months leading up to my first one, Live and Learn in Albuquerque in 2006. When Ginger told me she wanted to go, I was pretty unsure - a conference? I mean REALLY? I've been to a ton of conferences in my professional life, and they are so - - well - - boring and formal. I mean, Conferences are places where we all wear name badges, and sit around at tables forcing conversation with people we don't know. Conferences are where we pick up 37 pounds of printed flyers and brochures that we'll never read again. They're places where we fight to stay awake all day so we can earn the right to go back to our rooms and watch TV. I mean, unschooling sounded okay - - I was even kinda enjoying it. Why the hell did I need to fly across the country to bore myself?


As the conference got closer, my concerns took a new turn. No longer was I worried abbout being bored; I was worried about being overwhelmed and unaccepted. What if everyone there already knew each other? What if I wasn't cool enough, or funny enough, or smart enough, or - - God forbid - - unschooly enough? I had serious visions that someone would approach Ginger a few days into the conference, point at me, and say "He doesn't belong here - - I think you should reconsider this unschooling thing."


When we were flying there, I began to feel better, but still had one nagging concern; all of these Dads were probably so cool, and they probably had neat non-traditional careers that allowed them to stay home and be with their kids all of the time, and how could I possibly compete with that? Did I even deserve to be here? What the hell would I do when I got to the hotel and the whole thing started?


And then we got there, and the rest of my life began. The entire weekend was a dream: I learned, I laughed, I cried, I relaxed, I played, I created, I asked, I answered, I dug deep, I slept, I stayed up all night, I followed my kids around everywhere they wanted me to and left them alone when they wanted that, I was challenged, I challenged, I made amazing friends from 6 months old to 70, and I came to one essential understanding of my life: happiness is king and rules all. My happiness, Ginger's Kai's, Kade's, and everyone else that we had a chance to interact with.


So here's what I did at my first conference, and why I think you should go:

I went to main presentations: the ones from Ren Allen and Ben Lovejoy stood out, primarily because they made me think about the love I have for my children and how much it can still deepen.

I went to circle chats and smaller meetings. My first circle chat was with Barbara Chase, and while way too many brain cells have left the building to remember the exact topic, I do recall feeling energized and excited by one critical thing: not everyone there was an "expert" or "radical", and they were all learning and growing, just like me - even the folks who have been doing it for years.

I went to SSUDS meetings. The Secret Society of Unschooling Dads is really just a cool acronym; there's nothing secret about it. My first SSUDS meeting was just dads and grandads and such, with lots of no-holds barred Q&A about being a Dad and unschooling. I asked tons of questions, and was challenged all along the way. It was rough for me, because many of the answers I got were strange and new - but the people who answered me did it from the heart, with no other goal than to make me a better unschooling dad. And then after the meeting and all through the weekend, they each sought me out to talk one-on-one.

I ran a fun shop. What a great way to meet people! Fun shops are just that; fun, fun, fun. We decided to make tissue paper kites ,and brought tissue paper, string, decorations, markers, glue sticks, etc. Kids and their parents just flowed in for the whole hour, and we found ourselves scrambling just to catch up and keep them all supplied! But we met so many cool people and cool kids, and that helped us make connections that led to deeper conversations over that weekend - and over the years since.

I participated in the raffle and instant gratification table. I got a chance to buy raffle tickets and bid on all sorts of exciting gift baskets and other cool stuff. The kids got to participate, too. Another fantastic way to meet people and experience new things.

I actually got on stage during the talent show. A bunch of the younger set got on stage and sang "Another Brick in the Wall", and I just couldn't resist! Subsequent years have seen me up dancing to "The Time Warp" and "Thriller", among other silly stuff.

I walked to a coffee shop every day; just to escape for a little while and get some "me" time.

I watched Cartoon Network for the first time. Before the conference, we didn't have cable at all; never had! But since that very first episode of "Courage the Cowardly Dog" I realized that TV is not an instrument of the Devil; it is another wonderful way to connect with my kids.

I let go. I let go of almost everything: bed times, TV control, the need to be right, the need to be on-time, the need to know where my kids were and with whom, the need to be in control - and most of all, my precon ceived notions that had defined unschooling ina rigid, formulaic fashion.

And most importantly, I learned. Without even trying, or wanting to, or planning to, or even knowing it was happening. While I learned things about unschooling, to be sure, I mostly learned about myself, my life, my family, my goals, my fears, and my passions.

A conference can be all of this, and more. All it takes for you to have a similar, wonderful, life-changing experience is to come and let it happen. Look for the people who look peaceful and are smiling; they're the ones who know and are there to help you make the same journey.

Hope to see you in May!"

****I want to add that if we don't see you in May, maybe we will see you in September at the Good Vibrations Unschooling Conference in San Diego!

A new photo shop movie

Well, I was able to cobble together this new video. At then end, there are some videos of Kade and Kai exploring the photo booth options and learning. I really enjoyed watching the boys do these. I also found some adults who joined in the fun! Enjoy it!


Photo booth part 2 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

The longest post ever, continued.

I can't say enough how much I truly appreciate Prana. He has helped me so much along this healing journey. If you are looking for someone who can use essential oils, massage and cranio sacral work, he's truly amazing. Shazia is a wonderful woman, as well. I am grateful to have them in my life!

As an aside, they are looking for someone to buy their storefront. They are still going to provide the healing services (both restorative yoga and Prana's list of healing arts) and wish to sell the store part of their business to allow them to focus more on the afore mentioned healing arts.



****

There is a discussion about love and understanding going around with a few friends of mine. It brings up an interesting point. Are we ever truly understood? We were talking about this statement someone made :

"No one will ever understand you. Realizing this is freedom. No one will ever understand you—not once, not ever. Even at our most understanding, we can only understand our story of who you are. There's no understanding here except your own. If you don't love another person, it hurts, because love is your very self."

We progressed and a friend said :

"I was thinking that so many people's ideas of marriage includes feeling "understood." However, what if this idea is an illusion? What if we are working with a false dynamic?....What about love? Love, for me, goes beyond pheromones, lust, parental attachment, shared interests or even mutual respect. I have always believed that love was a choice, actually a series of choices made each and every day. As each day is filled with more gratitude, awe and joy-- I find it more and more difficult not to love. Love no longer feels like a decision, more than it is a daily certainty."

Heavy stuff. But important to think on once in a while. I wanted to put here what I wrote. More to explain how I operate and to show where I am on this journey through life. Here is what I responded :

"Two things on this.
First, I don't think we understand anything. For me it is about accepting and allowing a fluid-ness to that accepting. Understanding isn't a part of what I do, I guess. I can see progressions of things and see how someone got from point A to point B, but I don't understand it. Does that make sense?
Secondly, for me, love is just a part of me. It doesn't come from loving myself. It doesn't even come from my choices (for I can and do sometimes hurt those I love without even knowing/intending it). Sometimes my acts of 'love' are not good for other people. I don't feel like I choose to love. I do choose to follow it, or not.
Loving people has always been an amazing phenomenon to me. As I said, I can't control *if* I love, I can only control how I respond to it. How much I allow my thoughts to concentrate on it. How I interact with it. I have always loved everyone I see, first thing. I don't *understand* why. I just have accepted that it is. Sometimes I see that someone is unhealthy for me to be with, or who's choices I can't accept. My love is still there - it just is in a holding pattern, so to speak.
Maybe this is connected with my 'cup is half full' - usually more than half full personality? Don't know.
What it has meant in my interactions with others is varied. Many disbelieve I actually love them, that I am truly this happy a person, and sometimes they react in fear. Some have said they see it as a 'glow' or as just happiness showing through. I'm sure some see me as the 'princess' of insufficient light.
Thankfully, Jeff sees it as a good thing!

No matter how you see love, it is real. Understanding can be varied in so many ways. We all see things from our own perspectives. This allows for so many versions of the same thing. Emotions are real. How we describe emotions will be as varied as those who are asked to describe them.



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Jeff and I were talking about my blog a bit back. I have been meaning to write down here how I feel about our discussion. Jeff was saying he expected this blog to be more about unschooling.

I have purposely left out the 'definition' of unschooling simply because I feel there are many others out there who have defined it. For more in-depth information one can look through Joyce's page or Sandra's page. They have spent years collecting unschooling information.

I haven't felt the need to define it here on my blog. But I consider my blog to be about unschooling. I talk about our passions, our pastimes and about how we live or lives. I show how involved we are in each other, how happily we support each other in our pursuit of what we love to do and I feel as if I have shown how following my own passions help my family members see that it is an important thing to do. I read in front of my kids, I knit in front of my kids, I blog in front of my kids, I henna in front of my kids. My kids follow their passions in front of me. Annie even dyed my hair! We are all a fluid part of each others' lives and we get involved in the excitement and joy of each other. Is that not what unschooling is truly about? For me it is. I can see the world get bigger for my kids every day. I see more of the world through their eyes. We each learn something everyday. Our life brings never ending possibilities.

So, in essence, this (to me) is very much an unschooling blog.



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We need to see Auntie Mary. It has been far too long. Kai was saying this week how it just is not good for us to go this long without a visit. We miss her so much! So...the calendar will just have to clear enough so we can go!



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Jeff has to go out of town on business every once in a while. We miss him much when he goes, but also know it's just part of the corporate game we play right now. Jeff and I are different in so many ways. I have a love/hate relationship for how he prepares/packs for things. He is a last minute packer. I am not. So I have a tough time when we pack as a family to go places. When he is traveling alone, I truly love to watch him buzz around packing at the last minute. I find it quite precious that he has me clean his glasses for him and how he needs to get the tiny screwdriver out to tighten the glasses hinges before he leaves for the trip. These are endearing things.

Mainly I love counting down, with the kids, the hours until we get to see him again. Kai started the hour count when we had 9 hours left. The minute count started 3 hours before. I'm sure he would have included seconds if there was a clock that showed those readily!

It's nice to have everyone under our roof now.

I have been known to say that even if Jeff was home 24/7 it still wouldn't be enough time for me. Crazy in love still after all this time.



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Kai went to a karate seminar this week. I love his passion for this. He came home saying it was the best seminar he has *ever* been to. How cool is that?! I didn't take the camera, but saw Sensei Michelle with one. As soon as they post pictures on their site, I'll see about getting some for here, too.

These seminars are a great way for Kai to learn more about his art. He is loving every moment of his learning. So cool.

There will be another seminar in March. I'll be sure to take the camera to that one!



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I have started knitting again...watch out!



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Annie has now passed all her tests for completing core! She is a happy girl. I was able to go down and sit and be her 'test subject'. We were both worried that my hair (although nice) is very thin. However, she has played with it before, so seemed to have no trouble dealing with it during the test. She started out with the dying testing. They were given shaving cream to demonstrate the application of dye. She did great on the parting and the actual application. After showing she knew how to do four types of tinting/dying, she went on to rolling for perms. She mentioned afterwards that she was glad I had a straight cut, because there were only the wispy parts of my hair to deal with and not layers, too. Plus, since I don't have a ton of hair, she ended up not needing all the rollers! How cool is that?! Anyway, after the "perming" I was treated to a hair washing/massaging and then, was gifted to a blow dry and curling session. All in all, it went from 9:30 to 1:50. It was a long time to test, and it was only the hands on testing that she had to do. Yesterday they tested the written stuff. So far, she seems to be happy with the results. And I'm proud of how well she did.



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I wanted to post a follow-up mehndi picture. Here is the last design I did a full week after application. I am so pleased with how well the stain stayed. I am getting comfortable with how I like to mix it and what I like to add. Hopefully it wont change a lot when I get another bag of henna powder. I am liking how well the sifted henna applies. No lumps!

February 6, 1999

Cast of characters:
Bob (best man and good friend of Jeff), Diane (Ginger's sister-in-law) holding Mads, Rich (good friend of Jeff), Andy (Ginger's brother), Barbara (Jeff's mom), Jeff, Annie, Ginger, Laura (maid of honor and good friend of Ginger), Dora (Ginger's mom), Jon (Jeff's step-dad), Auntie Mary (Ginger's paternal Aunt), Uncle Bruce (Mary's man), Chet (Ginger's dad) and Lori (friend of Ginger)

I have listed this because I didn't label any of the pictures in the slideshow below so as to keep it under 5 years long! This way you can pause and see the names of some of the crowd. Also, remember to pause the music on the side bar, for the slideshow does have music.

It was an incredible day. Rich brought the lei's with him from Hawaii. We were blessed that so many traveled so far to be there.

I especially love the 3 pictures where Annie has balloons tied to her hair. Also seeing Anne and Paul Benton; Annie's mom, Jan; Dorothea and Kirk (who mean more than they could ever realize); Jim and Jeannette, and so many more. We had the ceremony and the reception in a restaurant I had worked in called Tarpy's Roadhouse. The rehearsal dinner was at Stoke's Adobe (which Kirk and Dorothea own) and was incredible. If you ever are in Monterey, CA, go there! What a spectacular day...one I still savor; bask in the warmth of emotion. I may write more later. I just want to say how much I love our friends and family!

And how grateful I am to have found Jeff.


Jeff and Ginger on their wedding day February 6, 1999 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

10 years

of marriage and still happy he is my man! Thank you, sweetie, for all the fun times. We make a great gypsy couple!

I think I'll add this photo...heehee

Tonight we have weather

Special weather statement came through : damaging winds, possible hail, heavy rain, lightning strikes to the ground. So where is my husband? Well, he is out on the patio, waiting to see it all. How strange it is to see this man who is usually so safe, be fascinated by strong weather.

Now, when I met him, he didn't enjoy walking in the rain. We then lived in Monterey. Although it doesn't rain a ton, it does rain during the winter months. I kept saying : I don't melt. Finally he stopped asking if I really wanted to go out. Now...somehow this means he can and should be in weather.

When in TN, he used to love sitting on the porch swing and just watch it pour down. There is nothing like that.



Tonight he was outside. Very fascinated and was almost disappointed we didn't get the hail. We did see the interstate on a mandatory slow down - with highway patrol setting the pace. At least we know they have systems in place to help keep the drivers safe.

Proof of rain today...

Tonight I finally got a chance to work some Mendhi magic. I am interested in researching the 5 petal rose...it's supposed to have mother earth goddess symbolism attached to it. Shall research it more. Here is my version.

Gifts

Now that Baba has received her birthday gifts, I can post the picture of them in the process of being done. I love the rice socks, and Kade and I (sometimes Kai) enjoy the warmth they provide us nightly. I also like them when I can't seem to get my foot warm - these work almost as well as hot water, but without the pressure of the water on the foot or the after shock of the cool air. Anyhoo, they are easy, easy to make. Take a clean men's crew sock. Fill the foot half full of rice and knot the top. Decorate with markers. For added interest, you can add an essential oil of your choice or dried herbs inside the sock itself before you knot it. These are great for a kid project as it takes so little time and they can put as much effort into it as they feel like (even decorate it in shifts) and still get something they want. When new, one of these will be warm enough in about 30 seconds in the microwave! Can't beat the speed. It's pretty much the only thing we use the microwave for. Hope you try it out, those of you who crawl into a cold bed at night might like this ever so much!


The blank sock ended up having a few flowers and a few thin petals on it. A great henna design gone wild on a sock!


It's fun to see the pictures that are arriving on our computer. Now that she has her own computer up and running, I'm sure I will find less and less of these on here. Too bad for me and you.

For those of you who have now seen the big pictures of the dream shoes...well I have been trying to think of ways to see this foot thing in a positive way. I think I have been thinking too much about healing and not enough about living. All my focus has been on what I need to do to get back to health and not how I'm spending my time. I had a major energy shift on the 7th, of which I have only lapsed back into a funk once since then, and the 7th is the day I decided I would just start living my life and putting my focus there.

While at dinner with Jeff the other weekend, I noticed one of the employees had on a gorgeous pair of heels. OK, so if you know me, and have known me for the last 12 years or so you may find it funny that I want to wear heels at all! Truth is, I hated them when I was required to wear them every day. However, now that I have stopped resenting that time (heehee), I find I would truly enjoy dressing up and wearing heels again. So, to honor that thought, I have posted the pictures of my favorites here so I am reminded of how cool they are! And of how I will put a pair of heels on every day I am pain free...and take advantage of the time I can wear them when I get it again. I think I told Jeff I'd wear them every day, but that may be just a tad of an exaggeration...

Mainly, though, I am giving thanks for the new shoes I have made for myself and the fact that I am living this fabulous life I have with my now family of 5. I thank this universe whole heartedly.

It is also wonderful that I was able to see a movie with the man today!!! A date, you say? Well in the 10 years we have been together we have now seen a total of 8 movies in the theater without our young ones there. Most of those eight times were before Kai was born! Maybe we can rectify the lapses of time between since we both truly enjoy that time seeing the shows. At least I hope to go often enough to remember to bring a tissue with me - since it seems I will always cry during every movie I see! Wet hanky gal that I am.

I am also grateful to the friends who entertained our boys while Jeff and I got a whoppin' 5 hours of today to spend together...THANKS!

The last few days...

This post is divided into 3 parts. Three separate happenings, thankfully. The middles section is a bit over the edge of propriety, so read on if you wish. You have been forewarned.

I took the camera on our birthday celebration dinner. Kade had said it would please him to give Daddy a dinner at Chili's ~ so off to Chili's we went. We had a good time with Annie, Josh, Kai, Kade, Jeff and I. I started to take pictures, but everyone seemed to indicate that it was enough. So, here are the few I did manage.









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Since Annie arrived, the boys have had fun putting the fake poop around her room for her to find. She was definitely disgusted the first time (much to her younger brothers' enjoyment) but quickly took part in the fun. Eventually the fake pile ended up in the main living area. Then into the kitchen. Well, we started thinking this would be a nice little present for Annie first thing in the morning...since she is the first to get to the kitchen. I like the chop stick idea.



Then we thought maybe on food would be nicer.



In the end we opted for this. The image it put in our minds was so nasty we ended up laughing till we all cried. Even more so when I mentioned : "Oh, if only our friends could see us now."



So, friends, we had to share! For those of you who don't have the benefit of living with boys, I do ask the bald man often if the behaviors I see are normal. He assures me most of the time that indeed, these are all normal boy behaviours.

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I *love* these!



I finished the 2 at a time socks (yes, Maynord, two). I so enjoyed doing them both at the same time, too, and now only have a smidgen of yarn left, as you can see.



I had moccasins I loved, but that had a thick seam right along the top outside of the foot. I can't have pressure there, so decided to dismantle them and use the leather with the silicone bottoms and make a fresh pair of shoes I CAN wear out and about. Here is how they turned out. Not your average look, but definitely comfy for me - especially now in the 'cold' of winter. The tops are made with wool, so will help warm me. Also, since they are knitted, I can layer the socks if need be without getting too bound and tight inside (which is the problem with other shoes) Pretty cool, huh?!

I am grateful and happy to have these...

the slideshow

In honor of Jeff and made with much love, here is a sample of the collage of pictures we made for Jeff. There are no naked baby pictures and have included many pictures I don't have elsewhere on this blog. This also has music, so put the side bar music on pause...


For Jeff : 7Jan09 from Beachbum on Vimeo.

I am continually blessed to be sharing my life with this wonderful man. Happy Birthday, Jeff!